There are days when we wonder why we even bother to get up in the morning. There are days we wonder why should I even care. There are days when we wonder why we are still here and if the opportunity came would we take the out. I can say definitively that I would not.
I was driving back to Gpa’s on Wednesday feeling very sorry for myself- by the way. Thinking all of those self indulgent, self destructive things when something happened that really proved I have a purpose here yet.
I should be dead. There is no other way to put it. I still feel the effects of what happened; I get the shakes just thinking about it. When I think back to what happened I still do not know how I am not dead. But it proved to me I still have things to accomplish so I should quit feeling sorry for myself.
Here is what happened. I was driving on one of the country roads it takes to get to Gpa’s a flat stretch of farm country. Behind me is a jacked up pickup truck driven by some teenage boys, there are two or three for sure in the truck. Up ahead is a farm on the right, there is a small pickup truck waiting to turn into the driveway of the farm, an old man is driving. In the driveway is a small white car, four doors, driven by a young woman. I have my cruise control on and am going 58 miles an hour. The sun is shining and there are no trees or bushes to obstruct views. The Boys in the jacked up truck are about 50-75 feet behind me, I am about 100 feet from the driveway when girl in white car pulls out from the driveway. She never even looked in my direction, I saw her and slammed on my brakes and aimed my car at the back of hers. I figured hitting the back of her car was preferable to hitting the deep ditch. I do not know how I did it but I ended up stopped behind her car on the side of the road. I had the brakes locked up so hard the car was hopping; I managed to miss her and the ditch. If I had hit her she would have died and so would I, if I had hit the ditch I would have died. The boys in the truck behind me were paying attention as well and missed her and me and the old man in the truck. They were on the horn and I could hear them swearing at her.
Once I got stopped and realized I had missed her and everyone else was safe I just sat there for a minute, just shaking. I took a deep breath said “thank you” to the universe and drove off. The woman in the white car that had caused all of this was long gone. The old man in the truck never moved, and the kids in the truck followed me to the next intersection where we turned opposite ways.
I don’t know why I am not dead, I don’t know what life has in store for me but I do know that I really want to be a part of it. It is easy to think I just want to die, but when faced with the reality . . . NO I DON’T!
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