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Posts Tagged ‘depression’

Today is the 27th anniversary of the Challenger explosion. Navy Girl and I were watching it on TV when it happened. She went around for the next week telling everyone “unbelievable! It just blew up!” and it was. At the time the internet was not readily available like it is now so we could only learn about it from the TV and newspapers. Years later I met an engineer who had worked on that mission. The engineers had advised against launching that day but the President was there and they went ahead with disastrous results. My thoughts are with the families of all those who died and all of us who watched it happen.

Speaking of disasters, that night club fire in Brazil, it just makes you weep. If you go into a building and there is only one exit please use it immediately. Your life is worth way more than a few hours of entertainment.

My job hunt continues. I struggle some days with depression and a sense of why bother and anger. Unfortunately I wasn’t born with a horseshoe embedded anywhere like some people in my family – Hubby, youngest brother, a few cousins – to name a few. So I will have to work very hard to make something work. The good news is of the 5 jobs I applied for last week I have only been turned down for 1. I haven’t heard anything from three of them and the 4th says they will be making decisions on who gets interviews in a week or so. My goal this week is to apply for 2 jobs a day and get at least one interview. I have started a spreadsheet to track where I have applied and the results. Things will work out, they always do.

I am glad to live where I do. If you don’t like the weather just wait a day or so and it will be vastly different. I cannot imagine living somewhere, where there is no change. Last week we were in the 0’s and this week we will have 50’s and then teens. It definitely keeps things from getting boring. If you are going out today, please be careful, they are saying there is a lot of black ice.

Happy thoughts for a happy day!

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I have been having some problems lately.  I get depression sometimes.  It isn’t just being a little down it is being unable to focus or care.  I am coming out of it; there has been a series of events that have shown me that I have it pretty good and need to focus on that.  I told you about my exMIL passing away and my cousin dying in a car accident last week and now, last weekend on my way home from a terrific weekend with my girl friends, a tragic accident.

This time I do not know the victim, I just saw what happened.  Actually I saw the aftermath of what happened.  I was traveling south on the freeway when there was a hail storm that dumped a couple of inches of hail on the road.  What happened after that was a series of accidents that lead to a horrible crash.  The car was so smooshed, and I could see the person trapped inside. . .

I didn’t stop to help.  I would have been in the way; I didn’t have any gloves or my first aid kit.  I would not have been a help.  I talked to Navy Girl who among other things is an EMT and she said it was better that I kept going.  I talked to other people and they said the same, but I still feel bad.  I think some of it is the “there but for a twist of fate” feeling.  I still feel bad that I didn’t stop, but I also did the right thing.

 

 

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Many of the people in my family suffer from depression.  The rest of us really enjoy it.  Okay maybe not enjoy it.  I was talking with my cousin D yesterday and she was commenting on her struggles with depression.  I know how she feels.  A lot of people are undiagnosed and untreated and many are afraid to be. 

I took Welbutrin for a number of years.  I don’t take anything anymore.  I was in therapy for many years and I don’t do that anymore either.  I quit going to therapy when I got my job and didn’t have time to drive there.  Then my therapist retired and I just don’t see the need to find a new one.  When I am in the throes of depression I have suicidal thoughts and really don’t want to do anything.  I have found that when I exercise every day I don’t have the problems with it.  When I am in the throes of depression I have to make a conscious decision to be alive every day, sometimes multiple times a day.  I have found that when I go to Curves or go to the pool I feel better.  I think it is for two reasons.  1)  I am exercising and the endorphins from exercising make you feel good and 2)  I am getting out of my house every day.  I have a tendency to be a hermit I can go for days without leaving my house.  But when I do I start slipping into depression.  I get out of the house, I get this great work out, I feel better, I interact with people, and life is good.

I have no idea what life has in store for me; I am not worried about it either.  I have made the decision that I will do what it takes to not fall back into the black hole that is depression.  Don’t get me wrong if given a choice between going for a walk and taking a nap it would be really hard to pick, but I would probably go for a walk and then not need a nap.  Start small, one step at a time, one length of the pool, and one sit up, one walk around the block.  You will feel better, trust me I know. 

Happy thoughts for a happy day!

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