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Archive for February, 2011

Big toe update ahead, if this stuff makes you squeamish don’t read my blog today.  Sorry.  First let me say I wish I had a better camera than the one on my phone.  I would have posted the pictures in all their gruesome glory.  Actually it really hasn’t looked that bad.  I think the grossest part for me is I am going to lose the toenail, ew!  It feels a little loose, I hope it is my imagination but I probably don’t have that type of luck. 

The bruising is now at that yellowish stage.  It amazes me that my whole toe isn’t/wasn’t black and blue just parts of it.  There has been a very definitive line between damaged parts and not damaged parts of my foot.  The heaviest bruising is actually along my other toes not the big one; it extends along the base of my toes on the top of my foot and in-between the toes as well.  My little toes are still squished, most people have toes that have a slight curve to them but mine are now flat, I think once they are healed they will go back to “normal.”  They weren’t broken so they should heal fairly quickly.

When I sleep I wiggle my toes, last night while sleeping I accidently moved my big toe, I had been doing a pretty good about not doing that for the last 12 days but not last night.  I moved it and it let out a big POP, woke me up and everything.  It was one of those “oh shit what did I do now?” feelings.  You lay there and try to assess the situation.  Does it hurt? No.  Should it hurt? I hope not.  What do I do now? Hmmm how about just lay here and see what happens.  Good idea, let’s just see what happens.  This morning I looked at it and it seems to have popped back into place.  My toes have a slight tilt towards each other and now my big toe seems to be back where it used to be. 

The pain is tolerable; it for the most part stings and aches rather than sharp pains.  The top has a bit of what looks like road rash and that stings, the bottom is swollen and has this weird tingly feeling to it and the joint where the toe meets the foot aches.  I am still more than a little afraid to bend it.  I think I will wait a few more weeks to try that.  I have to wear the boot thing until the 17th anyway so I have time.  I can still work out so that is good.  I would go crazy and drive everyone crazy if I couldn’t.  Did I tell you the silly doctor said I wouldn’t want to work out?  Obviously doesn’t know me.  It isn’t a want anymore it is a need!

So there in a nutshell is how my toe is doing after battling with the 45 pound weight.  It was a losing proposition that I do not recommend anyone else try.

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Is it me or does the world seem to be increasingly negative?  I know that being negative is way easier than being positive but shouldn’t we at least try?  Being positive is hard work, I know that we are all tired from having to work and take care of ourselves and the kids, we have to clean our houses and mow our lawns and shovel the snow and myriad other excuses.  Really?  The little bit of effort it would take to put a positive spin on things . . . don’t you think that is worth it? 

It is just a small attitude shift but it is amazing what it accomplishes.  A positive attitude promotes cooperation, which this world badly needs right now.  A positive attitude promotes a can do spirit where obstacles can be overcome.  A positive attitude helps change come and makes it less painful.  It is that spoonful of sugar that helps smooth the way for the hard work to be done.  And there is plenty of hard work to do. 

As a nation we are facing record deficits, record discord in our politics, record unemployment and a mean spiritedness that is disheartening.  Everyone is shouting and no one is listening, nothing is getting accomplished because of this.  We have lost the transparency of government that made us trust those who governed; we have lost our ability to hear because of the negativity that is being spewed by all sides.  We see mostly bad things on TV and as a final quick story of the day is the one “feel good” story added on like an afterthought.  There are wonderful things happening every second of every day, but instead the news focuses on the negative.  It contributes to the feeling of doom everyone has. 

I say it is time for this to stop.  Each and every one of us has the ability to project a positive attitude.  It takes practice, I practice every day.  There are days where it doesn’t work as well as I would like but I restart my day whenever I need to.  Just because things went negative for this minute does not mean the whole day is shot just that one minute.  If we all practice positive attitudes it will spread out to the rest of the world.  When we put our minds to it we can change the world.

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To the best of our knowledge we only get one time through this life, this world.  Shouldn’t we make the best of it?  Shouldn’t we look at what we have and be grateful for it rather than look at what we don’t have?  There are times when it is hard to look at the way things are going for ourselves and think of others too, but I believe that is when it is especially necessary.  We can sit in our living rooms and wallow in self pity, “oh woe is me, my life didn’t turn out the way I planned.” Or we can get off our butts and work on changing the world.  It doesn’t take much to do that.  There are so many people and places that need people:  Meals on wheels, food pantries, soup kitchens, old people and the list goes on.  Get involved, donate, it doesn’t have to be money but it could be, it doesn’t have to be time but it could be.  We all have hidden resources, we all know something that someone else doesn’t, use that, give that knowledge away.  What good does it do you to hoard it?  None of knows what happens after this life, but I suspect that all of that hoarded knowledge and time does nothing for you there.  You have that knowledge here and now because it is needed here and now.  You are needed.

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I was talking to BFF today and she said something that really got me thinking.  There are some very divisive things happening in politics today and it is starting to affect friendships.  That is very sad to me.  I am not a very political person.  I never have been probably never will be.  I do have a strong sense of right and wrong though.  BFF and I have been on opposite sides of the political spectrum for all of our lives.  It is something we acknowledge, we state our reasons and we go on from there.  We really don’t talk about it much.  We have decided that our friendship means way more than our political affiliations.  But I guess some people can’t get past it.  It is a sad day when that happens. 

Having true friendships happens so rarely.  Being able to get past our differences makes us better people.  Having disagreements adds spice to your life.  Who wants to hang around with people who never challenge you?  Being able to talk to people who have different views in life enables you to grow as a person.  You don’t have to change your mind, you don’t have to change their minds, you just have to listen.  There is so much shouting going on, there are so many hard facts that have to be faced, it isn’t going to be easy but if we can be civil maybe we can solve the problems together. 

I choose friendship over politics every time.  How about you?

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Waiting.  I hate waiting; I have little patience for it.  I want to get started.  I want to get it over with.  Instead I am waiting.  Waiting means you don’t have control of the situation.  I hate not being in control.  I am practicing patience, but it is going frustratingly slow.  Breathe in, breathe out.

There are so many times when we have to wait.  We have to wait for things to heal, we have to wait for things to develop, we have to wait for things to be graded, and we have to wait for people to call.  All things out of our control, all things that we need, breathe in, breathe out…

Patience grasshopper, you must have patience.  Breathe in . . .

But man it is agonizing to have to wait!  Breathe out. . .

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“mother is one to whom you hurry when you are troubled.”  ~Emily Dickinson

I just read this quote on Facebook.  It is so true.  My mother has been dead for 12 ½ years and there are times when I still want to pick up the phone and have her “kiss it and make it better.”  We talked almost every day and I miss her a lot.  Especially days like today when I have a big booboo and need some TLC.  Of course she would have to give me lots of ribbing about it too.  It is a well established fact in our family, if you hurt yourself, you must be teased.  If you are not teased the injured one will think they are dying. 

Case in point, when Army Girl was a freshman in high school, she crashed her bicycle, hard.  When I finally found her at the school she was covered in blood and gravel.  It had to be cleaned and it was going to hurt a lot.  So I had them get me lots of water and the iodine and started to tease her while getting all of the rocks out of her.  She didn’t know whether to laugh or to cry but she was distracted while I did the cleaning.  I am pretty sure her coach was completely appalled.  After all shouldn’t I have been nice?  No if I was nice she would have panicked and we would never have gotten her cleaned up.  This way she was relaxed and we got her cleaned up quicker. 

When B came to pick me up at the gym after I smashed my toe, she called me a knob.  It made me laugh, which in turn made my toe hurt less.  Laughter makes even the most awful situation more bearable.  It lessens the pain, it lessens the fear, it helps to keep people from panicking, it helps people go on.  I learned my gallows humor from my mother, I learned to swear from her too but that is another story, I miss it.  I really could use a kiss to make it better.

Happy thoughts for a happy day!

P.S. Please pray for a friends husband Russell who had a heart attack yesterday.

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By big toe verses a 45 pound weight, guess which won?  Yep you were right!  OMG does it hurt when you drop a 45 pound weight on your toe!  I am proud of myself; I did not throw up on the gym floor which is what I really wanted to do.  Thank goodness sister B works nearby and was able to leave work and come get me and take me to the emergency room.  Plus drive me to get my pain pills and get us some lunch and then after work go get my car.  Thank you, thank you, and thank you!  It is so very much appreciated.

Of course I did it on the very first thing I was going to do in my workout, so that killed that for the day,  ok it pretty much killed it for the week.  My big toe is broken, I am pretty sure that it will be all sorts of pretty colors when I look at in the light later.  Right now I think I will just not look at.  I think it will be rather gross for the next few weeks.  I have an appointment with a podiatrist on Thursday. 

I went to the emergency room because I wanted to make sure it was just the toe and not more of the foot that had been injured.  There really isn’t much that can be done for a broken toe; oh did I mention it is broken?  yep broken.  Broken broken broken.  . . . ooo sorry got distracted thinking about it.  There isn’t much they can do for broken toes, just tape them together and give you this dead sexy walking shoe.  As the nurse practitioner I saw said, “it wouldn’t be too bad if you had two, you know a funky pair of shoes but just one, and well that just says klutz all over it.”  Yep that’s me! 

I might post some pictures of it later, it is taped up right now and you can’t see much.  I will try to take pictures of it after my shower when I change the tape.  We will see how I feel and whether it is any beautiful colors then.  I do not recommend trying this at home or at the gym for that matter.

Happy thoughts for a happy day!

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